For a long time at Jimmy’s I considered myself invisible.  It’s not that I truly was, the staff there knew me really well, and all the people from high school still talked to me – it was just that people like Jen, Sammi, and other friends ended up commanding all the attention from any available guys.  That is why I loved people like Brandon and Craig so much, because they were my friends and I didn’t feel invisible around them.  Yesterday, that all changed.

You see yesterday, apparently the veil was suddenly lifted off me and instead of me being in the one in the background, I was in the for front of every guys mind.   And these weren’t just any guys – they were all Zack’s friends.  At one point, I literally had to hide in the girl’s bathroom because I couldn’t get away from them.  They were all trying to take me home or get me alone, and I was freaking out.  They used some of the worst pick up lines I had ever heard – from, “You should flirt with me to make Zack jealous!” to “I really want to taste your vagina.”   I’m not sure if this has worked for any of them, but instead of their desired result, I ended up bolting from the bar and walking home, freaking out.

Even people that I had considered safe, that I had known for years, were all of a sudden trying to come home and “cuddle” with me.  Right…  Thank God for Brett and Matt – who were there to keep me away and safe for a while.   The hilarity of the situation is that for years, years, I was so jealous of all these girls that could go in the bar and pull out whatever they wanted – and that always had every guy hanging on their every word.  Last night, it happened to me and I ended up going home alone – and they were still all blowing up my phone.  Crazy.

I guess I’m not invisible anymore.  I kinda wish I still was.

Also, there’s been a couple times that I’ve been on the news, and I still haven’t seen the footage from it. For example, when Zack and I went to find Shomari Stone in the middle of a hurricane – and he got carried. However, Topher got this hilarious footage of Paige and I on the local news yesterday – what I want to know is how he recognized me from the back of a pony tail.  ;)

Also, kinda funny, this is not the first time that I’ve been in local media with April for football season. I think Jimmy should make us the official football cheerleaders for the bar.

There’s an interesting thing about relationships that no one past high school really talks about because you don’t really expect to for it to happen after high school, and it’s what my mother used to call “relationship by group.”  This is when, in any relationship, be it a friendship or with the person you’re dating, the voices of those around you become louder than the voices you have for each other.  It leads to a deterioration of communication because you’re constantly using others opinion to attack each other as well as letting their thoughts rule your head.  It’s pretty henious stuff, and I hadn’t really come in contact with it until recently.  Zack and I totally got sucked down over the course of 11 months into what everybody thought we should be doing, and what people were saying behind our back, and who was talking shit.  In fact, you might have seen my fairly dramatic blow up where I basically called out everyone for being two faced bitches on facebook.

In all that drama, Zack and I broke up – and we have never been happier.   In fact, the break up has crystallized exactly how much we let other peoples opinion of the situation cloud our judgement.  We challenged the establishments idea of relationships and break ups and out of the woodworks came everyone commenting on the state of our relationship… “You can’t break up and stay friends.”  ”You can’t break up and still sleep together!”  ”You shouldn’t let him/her get away with this.”  We purposefully told some people information that was false, and saw how fast it took to get back to the other person (less than an hour, via text message) to see who could be trusted and who couldn’t.

Since the break up, we’ve spent pretty much every day together without fighting or anger at each other because in the end the qualities that made us love each other in the first place, which is mutual trust and respect, are still there.

The best part is, we’re still broken up.  There is no title, and if you asked either one of us, we’d agree that we’re not a couple.  To quote one of our friends Mary, we’re in a “committed-something”.   The more that people pressure us to conform to their views on relationships, the more likely we are to push those people away.  At the end of the day, a relationship is between two people – be it a girl and guy, a guy and a guy, or a girl and a girl… it is not relationship by group, it is not relationship by opinion, and Zack and I definitely learned that together.

I seriously don’t know how celebrities deal with relationships on that level.  I have a huge level of respect for power couples like Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale who have managed to make it work for years.  I was only dealing with people at a bar talking – could you imagine if the whole world was talking?

College is a money suck. BOO!

I was reading an article on fark today and one of the most interesting factoids was the cost of education – and how people think that student debt should be forgiven.  I’ve long since been of the opinion that college is more often than not a waste of money and resources but one of the posts stood out more than all the others.

The user ArkAngel wrote:

“The answer is fewer people with higher education. We have gotten to a point where people are expecting Bachelor’s degrees for simple jobs that once barely required a high school diploma (the last three security guard positions I applied for required a Bachelor’s). Because of that, people who have no real business going to college to attain a Bachelor’s are attending, taking up space, and watering down grades. My last year in college, there were over 200 “academic skills” courses – courses that don’t count for credit and exist to teach people things they were supposed to have learned in middle and high school. I’ve corrected papers for friends with glaring mistakes, including an English major senior who writes worse than I did in high school.

One thing we need to do is not put everyone in the same track in high school. Not everyone is supposed to or should go to college. If they flunk out, it’s simply an embarrassment and a waste of time and money. Start separate tracks in high school – let those who want to go to a four-year school take the honors and AP courses and get there easier because there’s less competition from the less school-ready. For those who want something like a technical degree – set up courses for them in stuff like basic computer programming, carpentry, or auto repair. Help them get into a local tech school and get their Associate’s or necessary certificate. For those who aren’t going to benefit from either, we need something along the lines of an apprenticeship/internship program, so they can get on-the-job training and get on the road to something right after high school graduation. A stronger JROTC or pre-enlistment program would also be a good thing for those who could find out that the military is a fine career.

My own students loans are rather small, but forgiving the combined $1 trillion in student debt would send the banks that specialized in these types of loans into a tailspin, requiring yet another government bailout. The solution? Stop thinking that you need to attend the most exclusive private or public schools. Stay in-state, and unless you live in the middle of nowhere or want to enter a specific rare major, stay local. Work during your schooling and don’t live on-campus if you can avoid it. Don’t enter esoteric majors – it wasn’t too long ago that we had the article on the girl who ran up $100,000+ in student debt with no career prospects in sight because her major was worthless outside a tiny consulting or education field that was already full.

The point is, we have to think ahead about the future of a society that is trying to cram every student into a specific little box we think they should be in. We need to break free of this farce.”

I could not agree with his assessment more – and let me give you three case studies.

Stephanie:  I attended George Mason University in Fairfax County.  It was in-state, and I achieved a degree in Administration of Justice, which is now Criminology.  Upon leaving college, I worked at a law firm for all of 7 months, before I promptly switch careers and ended up in the software support sector.  I do absolutely nothing with my degree today (unless you count the fact that most of my electives were IT related) and I came out of college with more debt than I would have had if I had worked in the private sector.  In addition – I came out of school and was making only 32K a year – the same amount I would have made at 18 had I entered the software support field then.  (I was just four years behind.)  Now, I am making significantly more, but I am actually capped in my field unless I attend MORE school to get my PMP certification.

John:  My brother did not attend college in any meaningful way.  (I think he went two semesters.)  He quit, and got a job programming.  He makes approximately 40K more than me a year.  He is in theory capped because people say he will never get into management without his degree – but I think his potencial is unlimited because of his brains should he choose to start his own company.

Zack:  Zack didn’t go to college at all, and makes the same amount of money, if not more than me when you include his DJ side business.  Since he is a tradesmen, more or less, he’ll also be able to continue to make more than I will without additional schooling.

So – where did my college degree get me?  In a job where I am unlikely to make more money unless I take more schooling and put myself further into debt.   Plain and simple, it’s bullshit – and the United States as a whole needs to rethink their policies on education and corporations especially need to rethink requiring degrees.

What did you major in?  Is it what you work in now?

This Remembe(Red) is fun for me because once upon a time I actually had someone who wanted to option my blog and turn it into a book.  At the time, I didn’t feel like going through and renaming everyone because it was years of material that I’m pretty sure that some people would have put a bounty on my head for some of the things that I wrote.  Looking back though, and thinking about my past post maybe I should have taken her up on that.  I could be living the life of a cherished novelist, because my blog was definitely way better than that crap Stephanie Myer is putting out.

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(When reading this, keep in mind that Pudge = Zack.  It was his high school nickname.)

I should have told my mom this when I got home. Haha!

It was a sunny May day, and looking back I realize that it’s the kind of weather that God tempts you with when you’re in high school.  There was a slight breeze blowing, and everything about the day whispered that I shouldn’t be in school.  I had walked up to the school with Sabrina like I always did and after hopping the fence by the church we stopped for a second and stared at the school the look of longing.  Not for school, it was almost out, but for the summer that was ahead of us.  By the time I got to the back door where all of my friends hung out, I was antsy and my skin seemed to be crawling all over my skin.  I didn’t want to be here, I wanted to be out enjoying the day.

Luckily, my prayers were answered when Kristin pulled up in her beat up car.  I don’t remember what kind of car it was, but I remember that she was constantly playing the Matchbox 20 self-titled CD.  She had Ryan in the passenger seat and Pudge in the back.  Sergio and I were standing on the corner when he elbowed me in the ribs.

“You coming with us?” he asked as he hopped in the car.

I stood there, between the doors of the school and the door of the car that would signify freedom for the day.   The world seemed to slow down as my brain processed everything that could happen.  The school would call my parents when I didn’t show up, and they would come down on me like a ton of bricks.  I didn’t have anything major like tests that day though, and I had turned in all my homework.  Plus, the breeze was still whispering against my ear that I shouldn’t be here, I should be out, enjoying the weather.

“Come on Steph, we’re going to Great Falls.” Ryan said from the passanger seat.  ”You know you want to.”

That was all it took.  I adjusted my backpack over my shoulder and slid in the backseat next to Sergio and Pudge.  The door shut behind me and we were off the school property in a matter of no time.  We ended up going to Great Falls, some fast food joint, and then at a bridge up over the Potomac on RT 15/7 in Leesburg.  We walked and smoked and laughed, and I’m pretty sure some of us ended up skinny dipping.  (Zack swears to this day that he didn’t see me skinny dip so we’ll go with his memory on that one.) We listened to CDs and sang along, and we ended up back at school long past what the end of the day should have been.

On the ride home, I started getting nervous because my parents were surely looking for me by this point, and I knew when I got home I was going to have to face the wrath of my mother.  At the time, I was riding bitch between Sergio and Pudge, and even though Pudge had been dating one of my so-called-friends, I remember taking a chance and laying my head on my shoulder.  He put his arm around me and I closed my eyes and remember calming down and feeling safe.   I wanted that ride to last forever.  (Zack also doesn’t remember this, but it totally did happen.)

When I got dropped off I looked up the driveway to my parents house and steeled myself for the hell that was going to come my way.  Walking in the door, my mother immediately started yelling about where I had been and what was I was thinking.  I can’t remember the words she said, because I was just sitting there, thinking about everything that had happened that day.  I remember thinking at the time it was worth the yelling because of the memories that we made that day, and that while I had a habit of skipping part of the day all the time, I was glad that I skipped the whole day with them.

I was right, at 27 I don’t really remember the yelling that happened when I got home and I’m still glad I skipped school that day.  I hope I still remember this when I have kids.

Did you ever skip school?  What happened?

Ahahahahahha, the trauma!!!

Before I get into my Write on the Edge  challenge post, I had to share this little nugget that one of my coworkers sent me this morning.  Oh yes, we will rebuild, and we will be bigger, and stronger, than ever.

This weeks challenge for Remembe(red) was to write about your most horrible memory ever. It’s easy for me to name this one, but it proved to be more difficult to write about – especially because it involved so many people. Here it is though, largely unedited besides changing the names of those who were involved. (Although, they know who they are, and I bet a couple of them actually read this because it’ll post to my facebook.)

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Looking back on high school, I suppose even though I wasn’t technically one of the popular kids, I was somewhat popular. I had a large group of friends that I actually called my friends, and an even larger group of people I associated with.

Part of the group of friends that I associated with was a group of four guys that were very close friends. I lost my virginity to one of them, I had a crush on another, and the last two were split between a guy I didn’t really know all that well and a guy who I considered one of my best friends.

The other part of my group of friends consisted of some girls that I was in journalism with – specifically one girl. She was a hot mess before I really knew what a hot mess was, and we went together like peas and carrots. We did everything together because I had a car and she didn’t, and well, she was my best friend that year since my best friend from the previous year had graduated. This whole story starts when she went through something (now I don’t remember, which is hilarious when you think about everything that happened because of it) that caused me to end up skipping school with her because she said she was going to kill herself. We got busted, and ended up in school suspension for a day.

In school suspension was pretty much the worst thing ever. You sat in a tiny room with a couple other people while a teacher looked after you like hawks. So who do I see in the room when I walk in that morning? Oh – it’s the guy that I don’t really know from the group of friends that I always hung with.  We spent the entire day writing notes, playing footsie and giving secret glances at each other.  It felt like Breakfast Club, only, it wasn’t a Saturday, and when he told me he was going to come over to my place after, I didn’t blink twice.

He did, and we ended up hooking up, and I of course, told my best friend, the hot mess, what has occurred.  The massive mistake didn’t become apparent until two other things happened – first, my best friend, the one that I had trusted stole the guy I truly did love, and second, she started a campaign against me in the school.  Literally, she started a petition to get me expelled from school for slander.  Her reason, I was saying that I was lying about hooking up with that one guy – and it never really happened.

This all came to a head when the vice principal for our grade called me into her office during journalism.  There he was, sitting in her office and there she was, showing me the petition signed by people I thought were my friends, and telling me that she was going to leave us alone to figure it out.  She left the room, closed the door and I looked over at him.  I don’t remember the entire conversation, but I do remember him looking at me and telling me that we had never hooked up and he didn’t know what I was talking about – in a room with a closed door, with no one but just me and him.  I cried, and sobbed, and when I went back to journalism everyone who had signed that petition was staring at me.   They left for lunch and I sat down at my computer, deciding I couldn’t brave the lunch room knowing everything that had happened.

This event actually ended up setting off a chain reaction of things that shaped the rest of my life to this point.  I ended up leaving the high school voluntarily at the end of that year (although I would have been expelled for truancy if my mother and I hadn’t found a way to get me out) and entered the community college instead.   This translated into me having 21 credits of college credits when I went to George Mason with the rest of my class – and enabled me to graduate in four years while still taking a year break in college.

I haven’t talked to the guy who lied straight to my face about us hooking up since that day, and the whole incident pretty much destroyed my friendships with the rest of his group and damn near anyone I was friends with in high school who remembers it.  Sometimes, late at night, when I think about all the messed up things I’ve done in my life, I think about this event, and wonder if HE ever thinks about it.  I hope he does – but I know that I’ll never know.   I have talked to the girl in question, and we straightened things out for the most part, and the guy in question that she ended up with?  I got him back and ended up leaving him my sophomore year of college.

Although, I will tell you guys something hilariously funny that I read in preparation for writing this today.  Last night, I pulled out my old diaries from high school to make sure I had the facts straight from how I saw them, and I started my freshman year.   The first page starts like this…

“One of the first people I saw today when I got to the hang out spot was Pudge!!!  This year I’m going to get up the courage to ask him out.”

Pudge was Zack’s nickname in high school.  It only took 10 more years.