First, I am warning you this a wall of text about my weekend. It is mostly a blog post to get everything out there because I don’t know how to process it in my head.
The weekend started with Eurymakos and I in a fight about my blog post on Friday. Then, it continued with another shit day at work (which I won’t get into) and an awkward dinner with a friend of mine. So finally I get done with all of that and call Mary up because it’s her birthday and we have plans.
Unfortunately, those plans involved a bar – which I couldn’t get into because my photo ID hasn’t arrived from the DMV yet. I’m kinda angry because the bar knows I’m 21 and I go there all the time so I start texting a couple people who worked there who apparently weren’t on shift yet. One of them is an old friend from high school and the conversation eventually leads to what’s going on in my life. He sends me:
Friend: Are you still dating oom or mom or whatever his name is?
I’m really unsure of what to say here because I mean, technically we’re not still dating, but I still care about him and we have a tendency to talk all day and I don’t think at this point he’s seeing someone else and maybe we’ll get back together – so I respond with yeah, because it’s easier than explaining the whole thing. What I get back kinda shocks me:
Friend: Okay well, just between you and me, just to know I still want you, ever since HS. I’ll bide my time.
I’m a little shocked by this because that friend in particular, I’ve never once had the inkling wanted me in any sort of way. I’ve known pretty much all of his girlfriends, and been friends with them for godsakes. But whatever, I put down my phone and focus on Mary. We go to Gamestop, buy some Lego games, and end up playing Lego Pirates of the Caribbean.
Saturday was an even stranger day. First, I slept for twelve hours and didn’t wake up until 1AM. I think the last time I did that was around last Christmas – so close to a year ago. When I finally woke up, I didn’t get out of bed until 2pm, and I just worked on my novel. I completed the last chapter, and started self-editing it.
Around four, I went to T-Mobile to handle my phone situation, and then went over to my parents house to see my brother since he’s in town from California. Pulling up to the house, I discovered a for sale sign in the front yard and I was kind of floored. I mean, I understood logically, somewhere in my head, that my parents have been in the process of getting the house ready for them to retire but seeing the sign in the front yard made it so real. They’ve been in that house for 28 years and eventually I’m going to round that corner and not be able to drive into that driveway and walk in and see them there.
I talk to my brother for about twenty minutes, and that was kinda weird. It’s the first time I’ve seen him in two years and he just isn’t really the same. We’re not the same. I don’t know how to describe it but it was the kind of awkward conversation you have with someone you used to be really great friends with but haven’t talked to in years. I’ve been having a lot of those conversations lately, with everyone I know. It’s distressing.
He tells me he’s going back to sleep, so I end up going home. Mike texts me on the way, suggesting I should go over to his house. I tell him I’m too depressed for all that nonsense and we discuss my parents moving and he commiserates with me, and suggests again, that I should come to his house.
Instead, I begin editing my novel again and turn on The Vow. Eventually, I switch over to gmail and I notice that Eurymakos is online but he hasn’t messaged me all day. I’m staring at his stupid green dot and have the following conversation with Mike:
I close Mike’s little chat window, and watch some more of the Vow. I’m starting to realize I’m just depressed about my life right now and I get up to have a cigarette. My phone goes off distracting me from the task at hand, and it’s my friend RZ telling me that it’s snowing in Denver and has been for two days and how I should move out there. I begin to think about that maybe I should go to Denver, maybe I just need a change of scenery.
Then my phone goes off again. This time is a MMS, from a very unexpected source. Rob. Jesus, I haven’t talked to Rob in months. He has the best and worst timing sometimes. It’s a picture of him in front of a grill with a beer in his hand and I’m instantly transported in my memory to a time six years ago, about this time of year, when I was with him at the end of summer grill out. As a matter of fact, this picture was taken there:
I’m kinda laughing, thinking about how he always has the funniest timing, and we have the following conversation:
Stephanie: hahaha, random, how are you?
Rob: I know, good, how are you? which part?
Stephanie: Good I guess, random you texted me since I’m in the middle of a break up
Rob: Aww sorry, I guess a bad time for random texts, or possibly a good time depending on how you look at it
Stephanie: hahahaha, I guess that depends why you are texting
Rob: Saw your name and was thinking about you, thought I’d see what’s up with you
We kept texting for an hour or two, catching up on all the stuff we’ve missed out on the past couple months. The entire time we were talking was weird because a couple days ago, when my mom was asking what happened between Eurymakos and I, and I was avoiding talking about it, she had randomly asked me if I still talked to Rob. Then you know, on a day when I’m feeling all sorts of depressed he randomly pops out of nowhere? I consider this proof that guys do have a radar for this sort of thing, or maybe girls send out a beacon which prompts the guy to talk to them. I don’t know.
I closed my laptop around midnight and went to sleep. There was one quote that kept ringing through my head though…
“Each of us is the sum total of every moment we’ve experienced and every person we’ve known.”
Maybe that’s why I’m so depressed. My sum total is so damn confusing.