The other day I was sitting talking to my mom about my future in the town of Herndon. You see, for years, it’s mostly been assumed that when my mom retired (which is this year) I’d just sort of slide into her place in various things… for example, I’ll be doing the beer booth for the Herndon Festival next year… and I’m expected to help with the Taste of the Town and Jimmy’s Golf Tournament. I mean, this has more or less always been my role, and I’ve just kind of accepted it as such. That’s a large reason of why dating Zack was awesome – because he was Herndon too. I could count on him to never leave.
Now – that’s just not the case. I was expressing my frustration with the majority of the people my age in the town – the backstabbing, the bullshit, the fact that everyone was wrapped up in this little tiny world on the corner of Elden and Spring Street. I recounted the instances where I was called a liar (and subsequently proven true, but never got an apology) and the crap that I dealt with about people who just don’t know how to be good friends. I complained about the people who are so stupid, naive and believe anything that someone says – and the people who purposefully use that against them. I vented regarding the people who knew better, who claimed they were over it, but got sucked back in again, effectively cutting me out of their life.
In the middle of my ranting, my mom looked at me and said, “You can’t be angry at all of them just because you outgrew it.”
She was right, I shouldn’t be angry just because I outgrew it – but I am. It’s a weird feeling to look back at all of that and want to grab some of the people and shake them saying, “You think this is good now, you think this is all there is, but you are wrong – it’s better on the other side. I promise.” But mostly, I’m angry that even if I did that, the people that I actually do give a shit about from that time and period, wouldn’t listen. And I’m definitely angry that time can not be made for me away from that street corner.
A lot of them will blame it on me. They’ll say that I’m always with my boyfriend and I don’t care about them anymore. But you know what? The weekend before I went to the beach, I went and got crabs with Kelly and Thomas, and two weekends before that, I went to the river house with Mary. This weekend, Mary and I are going to the crab fest at National Harbor, which everyone was invited to. Wednesday night, I’m going to get drinks with Mike. Shit, I used to go to April and Mary’s every Sunday night after dinner with my parents. I mean, I’m available, you just have to make an effort away from that street corner – and you people won’t.
In actuality, it’s not that I’m mad that I outgrew the place – that corner is as good as any to stagnate and waste away your life – I guess I’m just mad that I didn’t outgrow the people, just the place, and the people apparently can’t see the difference. And you know what, I can be mad at that – because it’s such a silly thing – to associate your entire life with one corner. I mean, even though I’ve always had that corner as a home base, I’ve spent years away from it, growing and learning as a person. There was Fairfax, and Arlington, and Alexandria and Madison – shit, even summers spent in Leesburg and Ashburn. There is more to life people, and I can be mad at you because you refuse to participate with my life outside of that street corner.
Yesterday, I was sitting on my boyfriends bed, hip-hip-hooraying that one of my roommates is moving out, and I said, “I can’t wait until this lease over.”
He looked at me, and asked, “Where are you going to go?”
He laughed – apparently because of the way I said it and the way he knew it was true. So I guess in the end the anger I feel is wasted because I have 10 months left in this town before it doesn’t matter that these people don’t care anyway.