Hold On For A Second While I Freak Out

16
Jul
2012

Hold On For A Second While I Freak Out

heart-breaker_relationships-every-woman-needs-have

So, on the 18th, I’ll be officially doing whatever I’m doing with the guy I’m doing stuff with for a month. Time freakin’ flies man – because it seems like just yesterday he was telling me to lean over in my car so we could have a hot make out session. (And believe me, it was hot.) I mean technically, in the grand scheme of things, it was just yesterday, but I honestly didn’t think when I was leaning in for that kiss that it would be more than a rebound, a semi-drunken hook up, or an awkward kiss that we would subsequently realize was a horrible idea the next morning. Instead, I spend more nights than not in bed next to him, and I find myself becoming somewhat used to the fact that he’s around. One could even say I care a significant amount for him.

This is precisely what is leading to my semi-often freak outs about us – you see, what happens is my head is this:

1. I realize how much I really do care about him.
2. I then start thinking of all the ways he has the power to hurt me.
3. My fight or flight instinct kicks in and I try to pick flight.
4. He tells me that I’m being silly and manages to calm me down.

This is pretty much a weekly occurrence with him – as much as I try to stop it, I just can’t. It’s strange too, because it’s not that I don’t want to be with him – I do. In fact, I can’t imagine my life right now without him in it in some sort of way – and that was actually true before we added all the hot making out and cuddles. It’s just that after the relationship from hell, it’s hard to let someone in again – hard to open yourself up to the possibility of pain.

Luckily, he’s pretty much a saint when it comes to dealing with my miniature freak outs. There’s always a breaking point though, so I need to figure out how to get this shit under control.

Any ideas?

http://twitter.com/chemgirljaime chemgirljaime

Sounds a LOT like the start of the relationship with the bf…. We were both newly single but as hard as we both tried to fight it we couldn’t deny how we felt for each other.

Try to remind yourself that things happen for a reason… Maybe it’s not the best time, but it happened… And that’s ok. You have to be open to possibilities and remember that whether it works out or not, you’re going to be ok… You’re an amazing girl and you have to remember that.

Just go with the flow… And anytime you start freaking out, just remember that life never gives us more than we can handle. Take a deep breath and enjoy it… Be happy! You deserve it!
- http://www.howmanyfrogs.com/ Stephanie Dorman
  
  You know, that’s probably the same advice I’d give to someone else, but it’s so hard to give it to yourself (and take it!)
Amanda

Instead of letting yourself pick fights, if your fight or flight triggers and you zero in on something to go off about, take a deep breath and write it down on a sticky note. Say to him that you’re feeling worked up and need a time out and separate from the situation. Allow yourself to work through the anxiety. Teach your brain that you’re safe and you don’t NEED someone else to get you through this stress, whatever it may be.

Put your sticky note in a safe place and check on it the next day. If it’s still a legitimate concern, talk to him about it. Calmly. If it was just a silly thing, throw it out. Either way, you saved your relationship a fight.

When you’re alone and not feeling anxious do some deep thinking on WHY you’re having these freak outs. Practice throughout the day reminding yourself that your fears aren’t necessary and explain why. You’ll calm yourself down easier when you’re upset if your brain is used to hearing those things during a “safe” time.

Also, if you work well with motivators, you could set yourself up a reward chart. If you get through the week without picking a fight, treat yourself to something little!
- http://www.howmanyfrogs.com/ Stephanie Dorman
  
  I am definitely going to be enacting all of this.
  
  ALSO, Amanda – he’s a GAMER. So expect more game related posts from me. So stoked!
Katie

All I can personally advise is time – and I HATE that advice, lol. I’ve tried to get into other relationships since my own “relationship from hell” but I’ve panicked like you in every one since. It’s natural; a defense mechanism. And I’m finally getting over it, bit by bit. So I guess the real advice is to have some patience with yourself. And thank the Lord, you’ve got a patient one, too. Don’t use this as a test; but if he sticks it out, you’ll have no reason for anymore freak outs. Journal, do whatever you have to to get the emotions out. Then you can think clearly, logically. Try to step back and look at everything from a neutral perspective. If you wallow in your previous sadness, you’ll never be able to enjoy your current happiness… live in the moment and all that. It’s easier said than done. But like I said… patience.
- http://www.howmanyfrogs.com/ Stephanie Dorman
  
  I will admit, the freak outs are getting less and less severe. This week’s was triggered by the fact that he wasn’t at an event I really wanted him to be at. But we made it through relatively painlessly. I think.