Recently, on facebook I was invited to an event by a guy that I’m not actually that good of friends with.  He’s a bar person – someone I met at the bar and added on facebook because we had a shit ton of mutual friends.  I don’t actually like him, or you know, any of his friends, so I was surprised when a notification came across saying I had been invited to the event, “Girlfriend Application“.  Apparently, he invited everyone on his friends list, which I must admit was a unique way of getting interest generated in dating him.

Now again – I wouldn’t date him, but I decided to look over his application and see exactly what kind of information we was trying to gather about those interested in dating him.  Here are all three pages:  (You can click on the image to get a bigger version for your viewing pleasure.)

Honestly, the questions were kind of lame – the only thing I found of value on this application was the references section – everything else was throw away stuff that you could find out by researching them on the internet.  It also didn’t ask if the person was currently in a relationship – which to me would be the number on deal breaker.  The only way I could resolve this issue was by officially creating my own boyfriend application – and from now on, I will require any guy who actually wants to date to fill this out.  (This is a trick though, because no one would actually want to date me right now – I’m damaged goods.)

Anyways, here is it, for your viewing pleasure, my official boyfriend application:

Stephanie’s Official Boyfriend Application

Please submit all applications to stephanie.dorman@gmail.com within 2 hours of initially meeting Stephanie for consideration.  You may attach anything you think will be of value to influence her decision making process including pictures, additional details not asked for in this application, or offers of bribery.  Please note that submitting this application does not guarantee you will be given the position or even granted an interview.  Also, by submitting this application you are giving express permission for Stephanie to research you using any method possible including but not limited to:  Facebook, Twitter, Google and any and all references which may be listed or suggested by those referenced.

Exclusionary Information
Please do not bother submitting this form if any of the following apply to you:

- You are currently unemployed or working part time under the table
- You live with your parents
- You have children
- You have a spouse or a significant other
- You do not have a car
- You are located primarily more than 20 miles outside of Herndon, Virginia
- You have any form an uncurable STD
- You are a virgin
- You have dated one of my friends
*** Friends are defined as people I actually like hanging out with 

Section One:  Contact Information
Full Name:
Address:
Phone Number:
Email:

Section Two:  Employment and Education
What is your job title?:
Where is your office located?:
What days a week do you work?:
How many hours a week do you work?:
Do you currently have a college degree?:
If no, why not?:

Section Three:  Cleanliness Habits
How many days is it acceptable to leave dishes in the sink?:
How many times a month do you vacuum?:
How many times a month do you do laundry?:
How many times a week do you shower?:
When you shave, do you immediately clean up the little hairs and/or tub?:
Is next to the bed an acceptable place to put your clothes before you go to sleep?:

Section Four:  Family
How many times a month do you see your parents?:
Do you have any siblings?:
If yes, how many times a month do you see your siblings?:
Does your family have any deep, dark, secrets that weigh on your soul?:
If yes, are you currently in therapy?:

Section Five:  Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll
If you were living with me, how many times a week should be having sex?:
Please provide, in detail, the most exciting sexual activity of your life thus far:
How often do you drink?:
Are you a smoker?:
If yes, how many packs a week?:
How often do you use “soft” drugs?:
How often do you use “hard” drugs?:
Are you currently addicted to anything?:
What are your five favorite bands?:
What are your five favorite songs?:
Tell me, in detail, about your favorite musical memory:

Section Six:  Free Form Essay
This section provides an essay question for me to get a sense of the kind of person you are, as well as your writing ability.  This can be done as an attachment if necessary.  Please answer both questions:
Why did your last relationship end?  Be honest!:
What is your survival plan for the impending zombie apocalypse?:

Section Seven:  References 
Please provide five references.  Three of them must be verifiable ex-girlfriends, the other two may not be family members.  Include contact information for them including but not limited to:  Email, phone number, and Facebook page.

Thank you, and if you have any questions, don’t bother contacting me because that will also exclude you.  Have a great day!

What question would you put on an application for a significant other?