Let me tell you something horrible about dating someone who is just as into music as you are. No music is safe. I can’t listen to top 40 hits because it reminds me of Zack, I can’t listen to rap because it reminds me of Zack – I can’t even listen to country really because guess what, it reminds me of Zack. (Because he secretly listens to country – don’t let him tell you otherwise.) Everything that I typically listen to has been somehow hijacked and replaced by Zack. I mean, even my favorite band in the entire world, U2, has somehow been horribly hijacked by Zack and I don’t really want to listen to them.
So, I had to get creative. I’m a person who expresses myself through music, and all my forms of music seemed to be taken. Luckily, there is one genre that somehow never made it to Zack’s grubby music stealing fingers – and that is 90′s college rock. This is an area that was almost exclusively my domain because Zack just never really listened it, so all these songs that were my favorites are still my favorites. There are no memories with him and these songs, and they still pretty much express what I feel.
Here’s my playlist of 90′s college rock break up songs that I’ve got pretty much dropped on repeat.
Fuel – Shimmer
Select Lyrics: She says that love is for fools who fall behind, and I’m somewhere in between. I never really know a killer from a savior ’til I break at the bend.
Garbage – The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
Select Lyrics: Can’t bear to face the truth – so sick he cannot move. And when it hurts he takes it out on you. And lately I’m not the only one, I say never trust anyone. Always the one who has to drag her down. Maybe you’ll get what you want this time around.
Our Lady Peace – 4AM
Select Lyrics: And if I don’t make it know that I’ve loved you all along, just like sunny days that we ignored because we’re all dumb and jaded. And I hope to God I figure out what’s wrong.
Oasis – Don’t Look Back in Anger
Select Lyrics: Take to me to the place where you go, where nobody knows if it’s night or day. Please don’t put your life in the hands of a rock and roll band, who’ll throw it all away.
Better Than Ezra – Desperate Wanting
Select Lyrics: I finally figured out some things you’ll never know. Take back your life and let me inside, we’ll find the door if you care to anymore.
Alternate Choice: Lifetime
Goo Goo Dolls – Here is Gone
Select Lyrics: I’m not the one who broke you, I’m not the one you should fear. What you got to move you darlin? I thought I lost you somewhere but you were never really ever there at all. And I want to get free, talk to me, I can feel ya fallin’ – and I wanted to be all you need. Somehow here is gone.
Counting Crows – Anna Begins
Select Lyrics: It does not bother me to say this isn’t love, because if you don’t want to talk about it then it isn’t love and I guess I’m going to have to live that but, I’m sure there’s something in a shade of gray or something in between and I can always change my name if that’s what you mean.
Tonic – If You Could Only See
Select Lyrics: Well you got your reasons and you got your lies, and you got your manipulations, they cut me down to size. Sayin’ you love but you don’t, you give your love but you won’t.
Alternate Choices: You Wanted More
Third Eye Blind – Deep Inside of You
Select Lyrics: Something’s gone, you withdraw and I’m not strong like before I was. I can go nowhere, I burn candles and stare at a ghost deep inside of you. And some great need in me starts to bleed – I’ve lost myself there’s nothing left, it’s all gone deep inside of you.
Finally, I have the two ultimate songs that I’ve been listening to during this break up and have the most repeats. Honestly, both of these songs have memories with Zack, Concrete Blonde being recent, and Matchbox Twenty’s being from my freshman year in high school. I can’t stop listening…
Concrete Blond – Joey
Select Lyrics: I know you’ve heard it before so I don’t say it anymore, I just stand by and let you fight your secret war. And though I used to wonder why, I used to cry ’til I was dry – still sometimes I get a strange pain inside. Joey, if you’re hurting so am I.
Matchbox 20 – Kody
Select Lyrics: There’s a squeak hinge down by the back gate, it lets us know if he comes around. Well I don’t sleep that good anyway, and if you’ve never heard that silence, it’s a god awful sound. Please hand me the bottle, ’cause I think I’m lonely now. And please give me direction – I think I just caved in. Yeah I don’t feel nothing, there’s nothing to feel good about.