Crazy.Beautiful.Life

Lack of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

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Freecycle has totally let me down.  You see, because of depo, I have gained a significant chunk of weight in the past two months.  (Somewhere around 25lbs.)  This means I have gone from a 10/12 to a 14/16 in my jean size.  In addition, I think that my 10/12′s have shrunk a little because they are so old.

You see, when I first put them on, out of the dryer, they are so tight I am jumping around trying to get them zipped up and buttoned.  By the end of the day they have stretched to the point where they are falling off my ass and everyone gets to see my asscrack.  Really, it’s an unfortunate situation.

The real kicker is – I really don’t feel like spending money on jeans right now.  Well really, I don’t have the money to spend on jeans because I am mis-shapen.  It’s true!  No jeans really fit me the way they are supposed to.

Here’s my problem with jeans:

  • I have a gut that never goes away no matter how much I work out or lose weight.
  • I have absolutely no ass.  (Zack calls it my baby squirrel booty.)
  • I have chicken legs.  (Chloe thinks that if she had my legs she’d wear skirts all day, but I think they are skinny compared to the rest of my body.) 
  • I am tall, and mostly legs.  (I am 5’8 and my legs are 3.8 of that.)

This leaves me in a weird zone where to get jeans that fit I have to do one of the following things:

  • Buy designer jeans that I have to sign over my first born for.
  • Buy elastic waisted jeans which I refuse because I’m not a mom yet.
  • Buy jeans that don’t fit and look funny.

Since I refuse to pay an arm and a leg for jeans, and I refuse to wear elastic – I decided to look on freecycle to see if anyone was giving away jeans that might fit me.  Well, unfortunately, freecycle let me down.  There was no one giving away jeans which might fit my weird body type.

So I guess I’ll have to go buy jeans.  The only problem is, I don’t know where to get jeans that fit me and look good.

Maybe I’ll end up getting a pair of pajama jeans.

What brand is your favorite pair of jeans, and why?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=566697693 Heather Skelton on Facebook

    Miss Me. You have to try a bunch of different cuts, but when you find the right one, it is truely the best fitting pair of jeans I’ve ever worn!

    • http://www.howmanyfrogs.com/ Stephanie

      Heather, what store sells that brand?

  • http://neverletgo.livejournal.com/ Lindsay

    Paige! But I also love Joe’s, Diesel, Citizen, 7FAM, and a few more . . . I never pay full price for them, though. LOL

  • http://neverletgo.livejournal.com/ Lindsay

    Oh yeah . . . I’ve also heard Not Your Daughter’s Jeans are good for different body types if you can find a pair on sale! I haven’t tried them myself, though.

    The only problem I sometimes come across is inseam. I’m 5’10″ and mostly legs, like you, and a lot of cheaper jeans at like Target or JCP or whatever that I’ve liked only come in 32″ or 34″ inseam. : (

    • http://www.howmanyfrogs.com/ Stephanie

      How do you get away with never paying full price. Holy crap.

      I love Diesel too but they are so expensiveeeeeee.

      • http://neverletgo.livejournal.com/ Lindsay

        RueLaLa.com, Hautelook.com, Ideeli.com, coupon codes, and occasionally eBay (if the sellers are reputable!) are the main places! I think the last pair of Diesels I got on RueLaLa or Hautelook were $49.90 or $59.90? Which is not SUPER cheap — like $20.00 cheap or anything — but good quality and a LOT cheaper than they are retail!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1132096642 Olivia Dick Hughes on Facebook

    I go to the Buckle and get Silver or Rock Revival. I have the opposite issue though. I am 5’2 with a big booty…so if they can find me something that fits, I think they can help you out too. Both brands wash up well-but if you dry them do so on low heat. I prefer to alternate between hang dry and dryer because of your aforementioned stretch issue. Also, the Buckle does free alterations for jeans you buy there!

    • http://www.howmanyfrogs.com/ Stephanie

      Olivia – The closest Buckle store is about 70 miles away from me. However, if you speak so highly of them I might actually head out there. What’s the price range of them?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1044204972 Natalie Dieter on Facebook

    american eagle jeans (specifically boyfriend cut) are super comfy AND make ur ass look great! AND they are pretty cheap, 35$ a pair and they are made well.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1044204972 Natalie Dieter on Facebook

    ^ also they are low waisted so our guts are not an issue :) and they come in long and extra long sizes.

    • http://www.howmanyfrogs.com/ Stephanie

      If they are low waisted, how do they handle with no ass or really any hips? Because the problem I have with low waist jeans is that they constantly fall off my ass because of lack of hips / ass.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1044204972 Natalie Dieter on Facebook

    I do have kind of a big booty like so I guess that helps, but mostly I got a sweet belt there that really does the work :) something about turning 27 last year made me want to embrace belts and tuck in my shirts. Frackn weird. But anyway they are good as long as you’ve got a belt. I do a lot of bending over and other typical pant loosening movements in my day to day (art classes, not stripping) and I’ve never had a problem.

    • http://www.howmanyfrogs.com/ Stephanie

      PSH, not stri;pping – don’t believe it. ;)

      I might try them out, they are having a sale right now and are only $29. That’s awesome.

      I need a good belt though. Ready for this – no silver in the belt or any metal besides surgical steel otherwise I break out in a rash. Find that fashion lady!?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1044204972 Natalie Dieter on Facebook

    they have awesome all leather belts! Just get on from the mens section, that’s what I did. They are a little wider then womens belts so it’s you have to tug it through belt loops but once it’s in there you are golden! And thanks fer the heads up, I may go grab some if they are on sale. Ahah! You’re fashion woes are no match for my superior shopping knowledge!

    • http://www.howmanyfrogs.com/ Stephanie

      Um, if you’re going, we should go shopping together! You can redress me and buy me an entirely new wardrobe. How does next Monday or Tuesday night sound?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1044204972 Natalie Dieter on Facebook

    er… The may still have that little brass closure thingy that goes in the hole…

    • http://www.howmanyfrogs.com/ Stephanie

      Yeah, brass will totally make me break out because of my nickle allergy. *sob*

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1044204972 Natalie Dieter on Facebook

    monday funday. Nothing cures the mondays like retail therapy…. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=692381529 Chloe Adler Sheehan on Facebook

    Jeans are tough, but I just got three pairs of dress slacks for work for $60. I love these because the come in three lengths (petite, regular, tall), three fits/shapes (apple, pear, and…I don’t know…cucumber? What ever fruit or vegetable goes straight up and down), and sizes 4-32. You might not find your perfect fit, but with that many choices, I’d be shocked if you didn’t find something usable…

    Here’s where I got them: http://fashionbug.lanebryant.com/bottoms/right-fit-pants/blue-right-fit-flat-front-trousers/15149c16240p65115/index.pro?Mcatn=Right+Fit+Pants&Mcatpn=Bottoms&Mcatg=category_root&Mcatp=cat_15149%401&Mcat=16240%401

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=692381529 Chloe Adler Sheehan on Facebook

    SKIRTS?!? No. If I had your legs, I would walk around in a damn THONG all day. Or at the very most, hotpants.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=15609345 Stephanie Dorman on Facebook

    I don’t have the ass to support hot pants. LOL

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=692381529 Chloe Adler Sheehan on Facebook

    Your legs + my ass could rule the world. Can you imagine how unbearably smug we would be?

  • http://starlit.livejournal.com Alexandra

    Like Lindsey, I’m also 5’10″

    My favorite jean brands are:
    -Seven
    -J Crew
    -Paper Denim and Cloth
    -Gap

    Most of those aren’t inexpensive, but I need the long inseam (I have a 34″ inseam)

    Gap might be the best bet – you can even use a coupon or find a sale since they have a lot of deals.

    I don’t own, but have tried on Lucky jeans and they also fit me well and are long.

  • http://starlit.livejournal.com Alexandra

    Oh! True Religion too!

    I was shopping with my bf’s sister once, and an outlet we were at sold True Religion jeans (at the True Religion store, obv) for $20!

    • http://www.howmanyfrogs.com/ Stephanie

      What! I need to find this place… I’ve never heard of it.

      • http://starlit.livejournal.com Alexandra

        They’re normally way over $100, so this was a major steal. Think of the Fegie sound “paris jeans, true religion, I say no but they keep giving” (or something cheesy like that)

  • http://hownottogame.com HNtG

    Jumping in with regard to your belt situation: http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Bates-Metal-Reversible-Leather/dp/B002474MC4 or http://www.magellans.com/store/Clothing___Men___Hats__Belts___AccessoriesMA001?Args=
    I don’t know that they’re exactly “fashion forward,” but maybe you could bedazzle or sequin-ize them. xD

    I have no solution to your jeans situation, as I’m very pear shaped – all booty and hips!

  • http://www.therebelchick.com Rebel Chick Jenn

    I’ve heard amazing things about pajama jeans! LOL Just sayin’…Also, I’ve been seeing a bunch of bloggers talk about Denizen jeans, a cheaper line of Levis at Target. I haven’t tried them yet, but the census is that they rock. Good luck! I live in dresses because my ass is too big to fit into most jeans. I love Guess but can’t afford to pay $98 on denim. Gimme a break!

  • Bethany

    Are you signed up for Shop It To Me Emails? You tell them your favorite brands and what size you wear and they send you an email daily with sales based on your preferences/size/etc. So I’d definitely recommend signing up if you have some jeans in mind.

    I LOOOOOVE Joe’s Jeans Honey Bootcut jeans. They’re expensive but they’re like the only jeans that I don’t have to get altered. My body is the opposite of yours – small waist, big butt and thighs, and average length legs. But sometimes I’m just too freakin lazy to shop for jeans that fit, and I’ll pick out a pair that’s a little big and get them altered. I think it cost me $20 to get my last nice pair shortened and to have the waist taken in but they fit like a glove! Totally worth it.

  • http://www.katherinedixon.com Katie Dixon

    I’m going to share a little known secret that has recently been passed between my friends and I.

    JEGGINGS! Target jeggings. They’re thick. They’re not like leggings as pants is my real point.

    My friend that told me about this is shaped exactly like you say you are. She came in with fantastic jeans on (as opposed to the tight-at-first then falling-off-her-ass fit) and I was busting to know her secret. She just blushed and laughed as she told me they were really jeggings. I couldn’t even tell. From TARGET, no less!

    I’ve run out and gotten me a pair. It’s really fantastic.

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